Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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