So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We need to rekindle our bromance
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
