i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize