Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
