Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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