Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
