You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
