Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
