Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
