It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize