It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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