I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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