barbara walters just said penis...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
