5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
