I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
