We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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