how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
