Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
