Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
