i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
