I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
