Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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