Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
