Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
