I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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