Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
