Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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