I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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