yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
And then he peed in my hair
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