24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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