I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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