Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
