you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
