you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
