Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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