The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
