I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
