It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
