I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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