seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
