Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
