whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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