I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
