Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
