hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
