she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
