when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
