Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
