I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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