i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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