It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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