He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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