Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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