i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
