dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
