So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
