you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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