I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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