Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
