Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
