I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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