He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
