is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
