Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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