so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
