So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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